30 words : what the project means to me now

 

click to start the film

 

the little films and audio clips speak of the months before i became an undergraduate. a time where i would travel to places to work with people for a few days at a time. this was a time when i paid more per month on the car repayment than the mortgage. i was beginning to become self aware and aware of self expression.  i was becoming critical of the world around me and beginning the process of rejection of an order that i believed to be the only order there was.

since graduating i’ve heard zizek comment that it’s easier to think of the end of the world than it is to think of the end of capitalism. he cites hollywood films as the example of this.
since my chance discussion in a hotel room in sapporo in which revolution was introduced to my thinking, i’ve been slowly turning around the way i think about things. you might say it’s been my own personal version of sublimation and one i’ve referred to as my intelligent revolution.

discovering database narrative films and k films in particular my 30 words project has finally got a method of presentation. i’d considered a dvd but this was way too stringent in it’s flow. with the k film format i’m at last able to present the films in a manner that the viewer authors their own version of the final film.

in the little films made in 2006 i appear angry and not at one with the world.  at the time i was quite alone in the world and when not working relied on the television to connect me to other people. i watched the news, eastenders and big brother.  in exploring the 30 words i can see myself asking myself if i want to continue engaging with the newspaper and the television news.  interesting to note that during the degree process i engaged and then let go of buying newspapers. the addition of removing the television also helped me to disengage from television news programmes.

to some extent this project speaks of my enquiring about how the world was and did i like it.

this project also speaks of the time of when i started being true to myself. being honest about what i saw. being not afraid to observe and note. being honest with myself that what i was doing was no longer making me happy.  the awareness of not being happy had begun in a rome hotel room in late 2005.  my making of videos as an expressive form began shorlty after as a result of an assualt, the little film being a method of me asking all the questions that i wanted to ask my attacker. i made thank you shortly after that work and the 30 words followed on.

so what of capitalism in my life? well it is still around me but compared to when these little films were made (2006) i am very much post capitalism. now the people around me are more important than the money. in 2006, it was the pursuit of money that defined me and led me.  i accept that money continues to play a part in my life as it is with this that i feed and shelter myself, it also attains me opportunities for relaxation. therefore my attitude to money has shifted and in so doing has presented me with an opportuity to view the world differently. i require less money each day as i have off loaded the financial portfolio that i had amassed that i had to leave the house to feed. this has given me the space to realise more about me. when i made these films i didn’t know that i am dsylexic. i’ve had to process this new information and try to make sense of the feelings and thoughts about my life prior to the revelation. my journey through my sixth form days finally made sense. it finally made sense why i had done the things i had done (career).

and where am i now ? that’s something that i check in with every day.  some days are better than others. some days are bigger than others.

i pleased to be able to bring to a conclusion the work done on the words. not all the words have made it into the final k film. i decided that there were some that just simply shouldn’t be seen as i simply didn’t like them.

in completing the project it helps me to place at rest the phase of my life prior to ba study, referring to it and keeping it at a distance at which it does not over bear where i am now.

the k film “30 words” is now available to watch online. as with all k films, it’s best watched with friends and best to be discussed as you progress through your version of the final film.  due to technical reasons the film is not available to mobile devices.

 

30 words : presentation

when i originally made the little films in the 30 words project i had attempted to make a dvd of them all.  i never completed that process as i didn’t believe in it enough.  all the assets sat on the disc for six years until recently when i realised i had a method of presentation.

it became obvious to me that i could present the little films in the form of a k film and locate it online for it’s potential audience.

this realisation was good for me as now there was a method of closure on something started before i was a graduate.

30 words : beginnings

30 words began coming together following the making of thank you. this was a little film in which i observed and documented activity around a certain communal activity within the public sphere.

from the word “alive”

i enjoyed the process and wanted to take it further. i began to consider words relative to the world around me at the time.

i can’t remember why 30 words. it might be that there is typically 30 days in a month.

i’ve gotten to a point where i have the little films and don’t know how to present them.